The Glass House of Nicolerene

10 years ago...

My son was born and I became a mother for the first time. My life was changed forever. My little baby boy who today turned 10 years old will have my heart forever. I love this child more than there are ways to describe. I am so proud of my son. He is a beautiful soul.

I have cried today... tears of sadness and tears of joy. I am hurting because I was not able to spend this day with my child. I feel like someone ripped my insides out today. I just want my son in my arms. I just want to reach out and touch his face and smile at him. 

I want to slow down time because he wont be a little boy much longer. The next ten years will turn that boy into a man though he will still be my baby. The next ten years will go by so quick and he will be so busy with life that sometimes he wont have time for me but I know I will be so proud of him and I will enjoy watching him grow up. There is another 10 years of firsts for him. There will be first girl friends and kisses and the first time driving and and a million more awkward firsts as my baby grows up. I want to be there for my son and I want him to know that I will always be there to help him. I know there are going to be days that I wont be happy with him and other days that I will be the proudest mom in the world but no matter what I will love him every day. 

I have thought about a million moments today. Moments that fill my heart with memories of the last ten years. The moment he was born, those first steps,  and every cute and cuddle moment we have. I remembered when I was pregnant with Austin and Kyle would blow raspberries on my stomach and the week his father left me I was so broken and I was laying down and he came up to me and said " Mommy, whats wrong? " I told Kyle that my heart was hurting and he told me to wait a minute. He ran off into his room and I heard him digging around and then a few moments later he walked back into my room with his toy stethoscope and said " see mommy, I can fix it for you". There is nothing more amazing in the world. I will never ever forget that. My boy is the sweetest child in the world and I love him so so so much. I could go on with a million moments of this child's life but I am having a hard time typing because I can not stop crying. It's late and I am sitting here alone not having to take care of anyone or anything and I don't have to fight the real crying back so it kind of just took over me. 

 

 

While I was pregnant with Kyle I fell in love with the movie Duets and even today its still on my favorite list. I got the soundtrack for Christmas and I started singing this to Kyle before he was born and after I would hold him and dance with him to this song. When he was around 3 and 4 we would still turn it on and dance. 

Hopefully he will have a dance with me when he gets back...

 

 

Happy Birthday Kyle!!! I love you baby!!!

Goodnight

E and Me at the beach... with a little update and some exciting news

 

Hi... It has been such a long time since I have been able to sit down and work on anything without falling asleep. We have just been so busy with Easter and Spring Break. Today I was finally able to get MOST of my pics on the computer and organized. I think I still have about 300 to go. HELP PLEASE... I take so many photos that I get overwhelmed if I do not work on them daily. In a weekend we can take around 200 easy. It is more then just transferring them to the computer. I have all photos organized by day / month/ year and I have to go through them and see what I am going to use or not. It just adds up and I get so overwhelmed and then I procrastinate it. So here I am after a month of crazy, trying to catch up. 

Yesterday was kind of my first relax day... even though I was still going none stop. My nephew came down to visit so Ella and I took him to the beach. It was a gorgeous day. I was having so much fun taking pictures. I am hoping to go back one evening this week to get some more. There is great light there in the evening. It was a nice day and Ella enjoyed the water. (Ella has become a water baby in the past month.)

So over the past month we have been super crazy. Getting ready for Easter/ Spring Break was a huge job for me. For some reason the past few years I get really into Easter. I think that it must be something about Spring. I spent a lot of time preparing for it since we had so much planned. I just love it.  We went to the pools every day. We went on boat rides in the evenings. Kyle went golfing (he got a set of clubs for making Honor Roll). Ben and Kyle went spear fishing the night before Easter and caught us some Hog Fish for Easter dinner. That night alone turned into a crazy, everything that can go wrong will and did kind of night, but we all made it through it and laughed afterwords. Easter was beautiful. We ate breakfast and dinner on the porch. We had an egg hunt and Ella enjoyed getting her eggs. Then Ben came with the good news. One of his clients just happens to be Dolphin Cove. So he arranged for the kids to swim with the dolphins. It was absolutely wonderful. The kids were so excited!!! It was a great experience for them and they are looking forward to doing it again.. We also went to the beach so the kids could go hunting for Hermit Crabs. Since we can not keep the ones from the beach we let the kids each buy a land Hermit Crab.  It really turned out to be a great week... even with a few attitude problems. ;)

With everything that we have been doing the last month you can imagine that I have a TON of pictures and since I have not been posting them on here I have so many that I could never put them all in a post. So today I made the March and April photo albums for the blog and started to put up pictures. So to see everything we have been up to go check those out. 

_{I was able to get about 60% of the pics up today but over the next few days I plan to have it finished. Make sure to check back for new ones.} 

_{I am hoping to do a post with the swimming with dolphins pics so those will not be going up on the album yet. Dolphin Cove was so kind to do photos for us and I think the disk has about 160 on there so I still have to go through and pick my favorites to post and that will not be easy.} 

 

So now the exciting news of the day... After weeks of waiting, Ella's first tooth finally broke through today!!!! We are so excited. Most babies get bottoms first but Ella is pushing out the tops and they have been so swollen for weeks. In a few pictures it looks like she has teeth because the gum was so white and swollen. Today was the big day and we have made a huge fuss over it. 

 

I am hoping that as busy as I will be the next few weeks getting ready for a little someones first birthday, that I will be back to regular posting. As for this little girl turning one, well I am NOT ready for that. I do not want the year to be over yet. I am enjoying this so much and I really think this was the quickest first year out of all of them. I feel like I was pregnant for 3 years and now the first year is over in just a few months. So I am trying to enjoy every last minute of the first year and I am working on a small but sweet little party for the sweetest little baby girl...

Goodnight everyone...

XOXOXOXOXO

Nicole

 

Our little camping trip...

 

 

The best weekend ever!!!! 

Our little camping trip turned out to be the most amazing family trip, weekend, just the best everything ever. We will never forget this and we can not wait to do it again. Ben has declared that this is now an annual St. Patrick's Day camping trip. I second that!!! We all want to go back to our little island in the river and stay there forever. It was paradise. The island we camped on had a sand bar that stretched out into the water and made a little cove like area. Just around the time we were eating breakfast the first day, all of a sudden there were dolphins jumping up out of the water playing in our little cove. I was so excited... the kids were too but I almost cried happy tears because it was just so beautiful. I told Ben that he had to buy me the island and that the dolphins would be mine forever. The dolphins continued to play throughout the day... HEAVEN... After a while of playing around we went on a boat ride down the river. We went down to the area where everyone goes and hangs out on a sandbar and we came across the coolest thing ever... a ice cream boat... just like an ice cream truck but obviously way cooler. They had snacks and hot dogs and french fries and it was yummy. So after hanging out there for a while we headed back to our island and Ben and the kids went to one of the marina's near by and picked up Grandma and Grandpa to come out for a little bit. We all went exploring for a while and then Ben went and picked up my Mom and Uncle for a bit. The kids found lots of hermit crabs and sea snails and Kyle made friends with a lizard. Ella did great. She had her first experience with getting dirty. She had a blast playing in the sand and in the river. We had perfect weather and perfect children and just could not have asked for anything more... except for the trip to not end.

We were all very happy campers!!!

I hope everyone had an amazing weekend as well and that your week is off to a good start. I am looking at a porch full of camping stuff that I do NOT want to put away. Eventually I will get it all done...

XOXOXOXOXO

Nicole

 

WARNING: There are a million pics below... I couldn't help myself... I had to share them... 

 

 

Flashback...

 

December 2005

 

 

"The Royal Fit"

Lee Canyon, Las Vegas, NV

This is Austin... This is Austin throwing a fit...

On a vacation to Las Vegas to visit Grandpa we went to the Las Vegas Ski Resort so that my brother could go snow boarding and the kids could go sledding. We were all so excited to go see the snow. We packed up the car and bundled up the kids and headed up the mountain. When we got there my brother went to go snow board and my dad and I tried to get the kids situated but all of the areas where there should have been snow for sledding were lacking in the snow department. I thought the kids would still like to walk around over in the snow areas and play with it but no... They just complained about gloves and mittens and this and that. Austin who is very very good at throwing fits was just not happy with mittens or cold hands and she let us know. We hung out as long as the little ones could last. Not that long since Chesney was only 4 months old and we went to the car to have some snacks and juice. Then it started to flurry a bit so I took the kids back out for that and we tried to make the most of a snow-less sled day. 

 

For us it was a big deal. I have lived in FL since I was 6 and I have not seen REAL snow since before that and so for some kids from FL this little bit of snow play time was good. They do not remember any of it but I have the pictures to prove to them that they have seen snow. 

That night at my dads we sat around laughing about the day and named this picture "The Royal Fit". 

The kids will see REAL snow eventually. At some point we will make it to WI to visit Ben's family and we will get more snow then they will know what to do with.

 

I hope everyone has an awesome weekend.

Nicole

 

 

Flashback... (then and now)...

 

October 2002

 

This is Kyle and Kelsey. 

A long long time ago in a land far far away I left my home in FL to move to GA. Shortly after moving there I made a friend named Jennifer. She was a mom of 3 young children, Denver, Cole and Kelsey. Jennifer and I became close friends and she was the first and one of the few good friends I made there. I have a lot of silly memories of her and I trying to figure out this life while our husbands were always gone. We had fun trying to shove a TV that did not fit through the door opening into the back seat of her car and she rescued Kyle and me when I forgot a pot of baby bottles boiling on my stove until the water was gone and all of the plastic and rubber melted and filled my house with horrible smoke. It seems like a million years ago in my other life. I had my Kyle and I adored Kelsey. She was such a happy baby and her and Kyle would baby play together. They were very very cute and they became baby friends. I loved how Kelsey would hold her bottles with her feet. I thought that was just the coolest thing ever!!! Many years have gone by... Jen and her family moved away because that is what happens in the Army and we lost touch for a while. Now years later I am back in FL and she is in MO but we are still friends and we get to share pictures and story's about our kids with each other. We were so much younger then and we had little babies. Now they are so grown up and it is crazy. I am still in contact with some of the other friends I made during that time and I am really glad that I have been able to keep these friendships. 

They are special to me...

Now Kyle and Kelsey were baby friends and have not seen each other since they were under the age of 2. They do not remember any of this. But any time I see a picture of Kelsey I can not help but to think back on these kids as babies. Wasn't it just yesterday they were sitting in that chair being babies??? It gets me every time.

Above is a picture of Kyle and Kelsey then...

Below is Kyle and Kelsey now...

CRAZY!!!!!!

Look at these kids... our little babies growing up so fast. 

...Time flies so enjoy every moment and cherish every memory...

Have a great weekend!!!

Nicole

~ Thanks so much Jen ~

Day by Day...

Hi Hi Hi

Another busy week moving right along. Okay, when is it not busy around here. I always have 5 million things going on at once, but I guess I would get bored if I didn't. I DID IT!!! Yep I had my yard sale on Sat morning. I did not want to. I am not a people person at all so I rather scrub toilets at a bar then go out and deal with people at a yard sale. ( ok ok yes that is to some degree an exaggeration but it makes my point... I DO NOT LIKE TO DEAL WITH PEOPLE ) So when the alarm went off Sat morning I wanted to pull the covers over my head and say NO NO NO I AM NOT DOING IT but I got up like a big girl and went and did it. My sister came to help me and my mom came to help me with Ella. ( Ben had a mid-term for school so he was in study land ) In the end... I did it, and if the weather allows I will do it again next weekend. We did not get rich but it was not the worst sale I have had and I got some stuff moved out of my garage and into someone else's. 

Then Sunday came... and I spent the entire day in Lowe's and I am never ever going back... no that was not me at Home Depot last night... that was just someone pretending to be me... I swear. We bought almost everything we needed to do the bathroom and it was long and I had to think a lot about matching tile to this and stain to this and light fixtures and hardware and how will this look and this and that. UGHH, it starts out fun but by the end of the day its like LETS GO NOW!!!

Other then that its just been daily life around here. I looked around after the yard sale and discovered that my house was a wreck, so I have been cleaning and doing a little of this and a little of that. I am trying to start some basic planning for Easter and Ella's first birthday. I do not want to plan for her birthday yet but if I do not start now I will become overwhelmed at the last min and nothing will work right. We are going to have Easter in the Keys since it is part of the kids spring break. I do not know why but I love making a big deal for Easter. Last year we had a scavenger hunt for the kids that my sister in law put together and it was AWESOME!!! The kids loved it and everyone got a good laugh when I hid in a closet and got stuck because of my huge pregnant belly. It's going to be Ella's first Easter and I think she is at a great age to enjoy it. I still have Chesney's dress from her first Easter and I think Ella is going to wear it. I went to a thrift store yesterday that I had never been to and it ended up being a good one. I found some super cute things and my wallet and I both left happy. 

 1) Miss Serious... 2) Sleeping Beauty... 3) A thrifty pot... 4) Little baby finds... 5) A candle I made for my Mama...  6) Drain work... 7) A fixed drain... 8) Just a hole in the ceiling

 

So for now its just life day by day. There are a million things going on but everything is running smooth at the moment. 

Hope everyone is doing well...

Nicole

Some pictures...

from the weekend...

_{There are a few pictures on here that Kyle took. He was really enjoing the camera this weekend and I was so proud!!!}

I hope all is well for everyone...

XOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Nicole

 

^{* Flashback Friday will return this Friday...} 

What I have been doing...

HI

I can't believe it is already Wednesday. The days are flying by. The weekend came and went so fast. I could not believe it when I sat there Sunday night asking myself if it was really over. Everyday has just been so busy. 

 

So our weekend... well it started great. My cousin and her friend arrived Friday night and we had chinese food and hung out and everything was great. Then I woke up in the morning and discovered that my cousin was SICK. Oh was she sick. Poor Cara was laid out on the couch as the weekend sped by. Ben and I went to get the new piano.. finally. I LOVE IT!!! Its home and even though it needs me to fix the paint on it (eventually I would love to strip the paint that some moron in the past 80 years painted it with, it was once orange and then painted black, it has beautiful wood underneath that, so one day it will happen, like when my kids are grown up and I have that kind of time on my hands) it looks amazing. And Ella loves it!!! She would play the other one with Ben but she LOVES this one. She crawls over to it and stands there waiting for you to come pick her up and sit her on the bench to play. She can just reach the edge of a few keys so she will try to play herself. And if you play it, she will stand there and dance. She gave her grandma's a great laugh the other night as she showed off her new moves. By Sunday afternoon Cara and Sam had to get ready to leave but we headed over to the beach for some pizza. Then the girls hit the road and the weekend was... sadly over. 

 

Monday______________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________________

_____________________ Oh Monday how I hated you!!!!! You chewed me up and spit me out this week. There is no other way to put it... Monday sucked this week. It hit my like a truck. I had a very hard time letting Ben leave this week. I just could not do it. I cried... I acted like a baby and felt like I was going to die when he walked out the door. I know... grow up Nicole... but every once in a while I get a week like that. Hell, I am only human and I just want my husband home... Is that really so much to ask?? In my past life I was an Army wife. I have done my time with deployments and all the other separation time that comes with that life. I did it, I got the t-shirt and then I burned that baby!!! I guess its just not in my cards to have a husband at home with me. Maybe one day... a girl can dream... right? 

So lets move on... Good bye Monday, Hello Tuesday... 

 

Well when I went to bed Monday I had my head set that I was going to go to sleep and wake up Tuesday and all the horrible would be gone and it would be all rainbows and sunshine for me... Ya well I was wrong... I woke up feeling like death. Now it was not related to my love being away... it was this stupid cold that I have been fighting for a month. Seriously... a month. I got sick on Jan 30th... and I can not get rid of it. (do not ask how I remember that date but I do) Ella was the best baby ever though and she played in her crib next to my bed while I got a little extra nap and then I woke up feeling much better. Things were looking up... so I forced my butt out of the house and into the thrift store! That helped a lot. I found a few things and my bill was $8.80. GO ME!!! That's the kind of shopping I like. I had my favorite pasta for dinner and tried to help my Mr. with his speech homework but I do not think I was much help last night. I hope I cheered him up a bit when I suggested to turn it into a rap. Hey I tried to make him smile... So the day turned out to be pretty good. 

 

 

Those are a few of my favorite Ella moments from the weekend. I am just hanging out this Wednesday doing chores and planning for this weekend. Its my weekend with the older munchkins so lets see what kind of fun we can get into. No matter how bad the day can be at least I have my munchkins and my husband (well a long distance husband :) ). I love my family through all the GOOD and the BAD. We can only work hard and the GOOD things will happen. 

I hope everyone else is having a great week!!!

Thanks for reading...

Nicole

As I write this... I got up to change the laundry, cause well, that's my job around here, and I walked into WATER... yep water... and it was well, you know leaking from my WASHER!!! Really??? This is not the day, the week or the year for this. So of course I called the Mr. down in the Keys and broke the wonderful news. I dried up all the water, moved everything into the hallway and put another load in. So my house is now a wreck... again. As soon as I am done with this post I get to go and check the status of my swimming pool... uh, I mean laundry room. Whoever is dealing the cards, can you please reshuffle before the next hand? 

 

 

 

Flashback...

 

May 30, 2002

 

 

The day my son...my first child was born.

Kyle Allen

May 30th, 2002

7 pounds 8 ounces

My dearest Kyle... this was one of the 4 most amazing days of my life. I was young... just 20 years old and my life was changed forever. I have a million better pictures from the day my boy came into this world but this picture is a special one. Kyle was born with a skull fracture and had to go to the NICU at another hospital in Savannah. Kyle left just hours after he was born in a neonatal ambulance and I had to stay behind until I was released the following morning so that I could go be with him. Hardest night ever!!! When I was discharged the next morning I left the hospital with this picture. No baby.. Just this polaroid that the nurse took for me before Kyle had left. An experience that no mother should have to go through. 

In the end, Kyles head healed up just fine and he has never had another issue with it. He has grown up to be my amazing son. When I got pregnant with Kyle I wanted all boys and now he is a big brother to 3 little sisters and I would not change it for anything. He is my boy. My one and only and I love it.

I love my baby boy. 

I love you forever Kyle!!!!

 

XOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Mama

 

_{* I am late with my Flashback post. I know, but I warned you that my commitment to Friday's would only set me up for failure. There was good reason though. I spent the day doing chores and getting ready for my bestest cousin in the world and her friend to come home for the weekend from college. Once they got here we had to hang out and spend some time together. Better late then never!!! Have a great weekend!!!}

A little update on Ella...

 

It was less then a month ago that I sat here typing a post, excited about how well Ella's doctors appointment had gone and how things were looking up for this pretty baby girl of mine. Well here I am again to give a little update as my little baby sleeps next to me. 

Let me go back to her last appointment first. Everything had gone well but I did notice that her weight seemed low compared to her 7 month check up. So I scheduled a weight check at her pediatricians office so we could get her weighed on her normal scale and well that scale said she had not gained much either. So I spoke with her doctor and he said to just make sure she was eating lots of baby food and to keep a food log the week before her 9 month check up that was coming up. Well here we are a few weeks later and Ella went in for her check up on Monday. She had not gained anymore weight. Since December 12th, Ella has only gained 9 ounces and has reached a plateau. I was so anxious for this appointment because I was pretty sure she had gained something. She eats very well and nurses plenty, but no, nothing.  So now there is reason to be concerned. The doctor does not seem to think this is in relation to Ella's liver issues because those levels are improving. Now this may be nothing. It could just be that I am not making enough milk but I do not think that is it. I nursed Chesney for 8 months and I do not feel as though something is wrong with that. I have something to compare to so I feel like I would be able to tell a difference of something was wrong. And I am not going to lie... hearing that I may not be able to give my child what she needs is not cool at all. It is a horrible, no good feeling. I am in for the long haul with nursing this little girl. ( I was cut short on nursing Chesney at 8 months because of my medical problems and I have been set that this time nothing was stopping me. ) So if it is me then as much as I do not like it, the problem should be easy to fix. But while it might just be no big deal we need to rule out other possibilities. Ella went today to have a TON of blood work and a X-ray of her wrist so they can look at the bone age. I felt so bad today making this precious girl go through being stuck again. She did so well but its so sad that she is getting used to this. The doctor is trying to rule out any issues including Thyroid problems and some Autoimmune diseases. All of my girls are at higher risk for Thyroid problems because I have them, but I also have Hashimoto's. This puts Ella at higher risk for other Autoimmune diseases. 

I know that this is probally nothing and probally just me not making enough milk... but... I can not help but freak out. I do not want her to have any health issues. No mother wants their children to have anything wrong, but to know that she could and that its because of me that she is even at risk for this stuff, SUCKS!!!! I have been so worried about this since my diagnosis during my pregnancy. 

All the tests are done and now we wait for the results. We have an appointment scheduled for a weight check the week after next. I am nursing more and filling this baby up with lots and lots of food. And in the meantime we wait... and I do my best not to freak out. I am a person who plans for the worst and hopes for the best so there is nothing I can do over the upcoming days to stop from freaking out. This baby does not deserve anything bad, no baby does...

Here are some pictures of Ella playing today. I love that even though she had an afternoon of tests, that she is still such a happy baby. Keep smiling my baby Ella. We love you. 

 

I hope everyone is having a good week. I am going to do my best to keep my chin up. Everyone else around here is doing great. Happy kids... Happy Mama...

For now its time to get some sleep. 

Thanks for reading...

Nicole