My son was born and I became a mother for the first time. My life was changed forever. My little baby boy who today turned 10 years old will have my heart forever. I love this child more than there are ways to describe. I am so proud of my son. He is a beautiful soul.
I have cried today... tears of sadness and tears of joy. I am hurting because I was not able to spend this day with my child. I feel like someone ripped my insides out today. I just want my son in my arms. I just want to reach out and touch his face and smile at him.
I want to slow down time because he wont be a little boy much longer. The next ten years will turn that boy into a man though he will still be my baby. The next ten years will go by so quick and he will be so busy with life that sometimes he wont have time for me but I know I will be so proud of him and I will enjoy watching him grow up. There is another 10 years of firsts for him. There will be first girl friends and kisses and the first time driving and and a million more awkward firsts as my baby grows up. I want to be there for my son and I want him to know that I will always be there to help him. I know there are going to be days that I wont be happy with him and other days that I will be the proudest mom in the world but no matter what I will love him every day.
I have thought about a million moments today. Moments that fill my heart with memories of the last ten years. The moment he was born, those first steps, and every cute and cuddle moment we have. I remembered when I was pregnant with Austin and Kyle would blow raspberries on my stomach and the week his father left me I was so broken and I was laying down and he came up to me and said " Mommy, whats wrong? " I told Kyle that my heart was hurting and he told me to wait a minute. He ran off into his room and I heard him digging around and then a few moments later he walked back into my room with his toy stethoscope and said " see mommy, I can fix it for you". There is nothing more amazing in the world. I will never ever forget that. My boy is the sweetest child in the world and I love him so so so much. I could go on with a million moments of this child's life but I am having a hard time typing because I can not stop crying. It's late and I am sitting here alone not having to take care of anyone or anything and I don't have to fight the real crying back so it kind of just took over me.
While I was pregnant with Kyle I fell in love with the movie Duets and even today its still on my favorite list. I got the soundtrack for Christmas and I started singing this to Kyle before he was born and after I would hold him and dance with him to this song. When he was around 3 and 4 we would still turn it on and dance.
Hopefully he will have a dance with me when he gets back...
Happy Birthday Kyle!!! I love you baby!!!
Dear who ever is listening,
I am here and feeling somewhat overwhelmed. I am so behind on so many things because Ben has been working away from home for over a year and now that he has been working near home I am trying to play catch up and spend some time with him. I am overwhelmed with getting pictures from Ella's beautiful birthday together. I have some on my phone and some on the camera and really I did not take any myself.. maybe like 4...It means I have to sit down and focus and that's been hard. Ella has me on my toes. She is a climber. She also figured out how to move the pack and play that I use to block off the playroom so she would be confined in here with me..( my desk is in a corner of the playroom ) and its not really a spot that a baby gate would work. She is such fun though. I am loving every moment with this little girl. She gets my heart worked up all day long with all her cuteness and love. She is a very very loving little girl, who likes to give kisses and hugs and if you are really lucky she might just tell you she loves you. This little girl LOVES books. She is always walking around with a book and she will just plop right down somewhere and open it up and start checking it out. She tried to walk through Goodwill yesterday while reading. She is just so darn cute!!! The big kids finished school this past week and are with their Dad for 4 weeks... I think I just might die being away from them for that long with no visit!!! As much as Ella is melting my heart there is a huge hole in it when I am away from the older ones. They are still my babies even though Kyle is going to be the big TEN on the 30th. I can not believe that!!! He was just born... Kyle is my special boy. With all of these girls and him being the only boy its a special thing we have. Since he will not be with me this year for his birthday I am going to send him a "party in a box". I did this with Austin last year since she was with her dad. I will make cupcakes in jars so they stay nice and fresh and put a ton of confetti and other birthday treats in a box and mail it to him so it arrives right on his birthday. Then we will get on skype when he opens it and we will wear party hats and eat cake together. Its the next best thing. Before skype I will get some balloons up and a happy birthday banner so it will be decorated around me when he sees me. Then as soon as they come back we have a special day planned for Kyle and his friend. So when my heart is broken when I am away from my babies on their birthday I try to have something planned for them that I get excited about to keep me positive but it is probably the hardest thing ever to be away from them on birthdays but fair is fair... even though I don't think its fair because I gave birth... but that's the life of divorced parents. Then there is my computer. It is about to die. I am working on getting my pictures moved over to a hard drive but that's years of pictures and it takes a long time so I am doing it in small batches but I still have some that I have not organized into the right folders and yes I am OCD with my pictures and my folder system I have them in, but hey we all have our things. I am afraid to even turn my computer on and its so hard to use because its so slow and old and just well broken. What should take me 10 minutes to do takes me a half an hour and things like opening a page can take ten minutes if it even works. I need a new one but I do not see that happening in the near future so I am trying to be nice to this thing. We also are trying to finish projects at the house. I have told you before about the half finished this and the half finished that well we are starting to finish things. The kitchen did get painted before the birthday party.. GO US!!! We do have some more work in there though. There is this horrible back splash that we are going to take down but then we have to fix the wall and find some new tile. Our bathroom that has been holding until after Easter and the party is back in full swing. My Uncle did the tile in the shower and now we have to finish the rest. Ben took the toilet out tonight and after over a month of debating, we are going to change the tile on the floor to match the new shower. We were not planning on it since removing tile is one b%#@h of a job but since Ben is home a lot more right now we figured we will go ahead and take the plunge and do it and this allows us to use a bathroom vanity that we have at our other house that we like instead of buying a new one. So it will be a bit more work but it will be worth it when its done and it will save money. Now I just have to keep Ben reminded of all this when he is in there taking this tile up. I need to have some more serious yard sales as well. We finally got some stuff listed for sale on craigslist and I hope to start emptying things out. We are still going to be moving when the other house sells so we have got to get rid of this stuff. There is no way we would be able to move with all of this. Saving so much has helped me a lot of times... just with Ella, most of her clothes and toys are things that I saved from the older kids but my garage is just out of hand with stuff. I also would like to make some room in there for the kids to be able to use it to play in this summer. We have an almost finished garage so we have AC, flooring and finished walls out there and the people before built a little stage and I think the kids would have fun if the girls could play school and have music bands and Kyle could put up the pool table for him and his bud. So even though I have lots of motivation, I walk out there and become instantly so overwhelmed. Hopefully my want to make it a nice space will help me out in the next few weeks before the kids get back and we can get this going. I will feel like a million pounds are off my shoulders when its done. We have more work in the yard as well but we did get a huge project out back done before the party. Ben finished my landscaping around our porch and I LOVE IT!! So yes we are getting things done but as always there are a million more adding up and a million other stresses with moving and Ben's work and future school and of course the big one... MONEY... but we keep going and moving along and I am trying to focus on the pretty things to keep a smile on my face. So much of our future is unclear right now and in other people hands and that is so hard but I am keeping my fingers crossed that in the next few months things work out.
I hope life is going well for everyone else out there. I hope the stress is low.
Have a wonderful week!!!
P.S If my computer stays alive there will be some upcoming posts about pancakes, jam, our dolphin pictures and of course a little girls birthday party...
P.P.S I know I am overwhelmed a lot but hey thats life...right?
I had a sweet little afternoon with Miss Ella.
After Ella's nap she had a snack and we went outback. It was beautiful out. Not to hot and not raining. It has been raining a lot. So we filled up the bubble machine and caught bubbles and then we went to swing on Ella's new swing she got for her birthday. It was absolutely wonderful.
I love peaceful moments.
In BIG news!!! This morning when we called daddy at work I told Ella to say I love you just like I do every day but today she actually said I love you. It was the cutest thing in the world EVER!!! Our hearts just melted.
Be sure to check out Tea Collection's page and vote for your favorite girl dresses and/or boys tops. Once an item has received 1,000 Facebook Likes, it will go on sale--$15 dresses and $10 boys tops! It's so much fun! Vote for your favorite girls dresses and boys tops to be sure that your favorites go on sale. Happy Liking!
Have a super day!!!
I just can’t help but enjoy a happy little tune. One of those songs that makes you smile and feel like you should have little bluebirds flying around with you. During the day Ella and I keep the music going and I just love this song. This week has been very rough and stressful and as down as I have been I was still able to dance around with Ella today as we listened to this. (we have a lot of big changes coming up and I am just not ready for them.. more to come soon)
With all the music playing Ella is becoming quite the little dancer. It is so so so absolutely adorable. Music is a HUGE part of my life so it really makes me happy when the kids are enjoying some good tunes.
So enjoy the little tune and I hope you get it stuck in your head for the day.
Also, one of my favorite stores, Tea Collection has been awarded with the 2012 "Stylish Tot" Cribsie Award! Visit Tea Collection today and view their new summer collection. I am in love with tons of adorable baby clothes and I hope to be getting a few for Ella soon. Enjoy!
Have a beautiful Thursday!!!!
(turned afternoon due to computer problems...)
To the beach we go...
Last night I went back to the beach. It was really nice to go with Ben and walk around and take some pictures and let Ella play in the water for a little bit. I really enjoy how beautiful and peaceful it is there. Every time I go though there is more and more and more trash and it really gets me going. I am sure Ben is annoyed with my complaining over and over about people leaving their trash and ruining such a beautiful place... or any place. I know he agrees and feels the same way but I tend to get all wound up over it.
After the beach we went out for dessert. We have a place that we go to just for the Crème Brûlée. Its always fun to go there. They close early so we go there and then to dinner.
Hey, everyone needs some dessert before dinner sometimes :)
After that we came home, watched a show while I nursed Ella to sleep and we called it a night. I woke up to an amazing thunderstorm early this morning and I am just enjoying it for a bit before I get to chores.
I hope everyone has a beautiful weekend... Even if it's raining :)
Its just in my head today....
Hi... It has been such a long time since I have been able to sit down and work on anything without falling asleep. We have just been so busy with Easter and Spring Break. Today I was finally able to get MOST of my pics on the computer and organized. I think I still have about 300 to go. HELP PLEASE... I take so many photos that I get overwhelmed if I do not work on them daily. In a weekend we can take around 200 easy. It is more then just transferring them to the computer. I have all photos organized by day / month/ year and I have to go through them and see what I am going to use or not. It just adds up and I get so overwhelmed and then I procrastinate it. So here I am after a month of crazy, trying to catch up.
Yesterday was kind of my first relax day... even though I was still going none stop. My nephew came down to visit so Ella and I took him to the beach. It was a gorgeous day. I was having so much fun taking pictures. I am hoping to go back one evening this week to get some more. There is great light there in the evening. It was a nice day and Ella enjoyed the water. (Ella has become a water baby in the past month.)
So over the past month we have been super crazy. Getting ready for Easter/ Spring Break was a huge job for me. For some reason the past few years I get really into Easter. I think that it must be something about Spring. I spent a lot of time preparing for it since we had so much planned. I just love it. We went to the pools every day. We went on boat rides in the evenings. Kyle went golfing (he got a set of clubs for making Honor Roll). Ben and Kyle went spear fishing the night before Easter and caught us some Hog Fish for Easter dinner. That night alone turned into a crazy, everything that can go wrong will and did kind of night, but we all made it through it and laughed afterwords. Easter was beautiful. We ate breakfast and dinner on the porch. We had an egg hunt and Ella enjoyed getting her eggs. Then Ben came with the good news. One of his clients just happens to be Dolphin Cove. So he arranged for the kids to swim with the dolphins. It was absolutely wonderful. The kids were so excited!!! It was a great experience for them and they are looking forward to doing it again.. We also went to the beach so the kids could go hunting for Hermit Crabs. Since we can not keep the ones from the beach we let the kids each buy a land Hermit Crab. It really turned out to be a great week... even with a few attitude problems. ;)
With everything that we have been doing the last month you can imagine that I have a TON of pictures and since I have not been posting them on here I have so many that I could never put them all in a post. So today I made the March and April photo albums for the blog and started to put up pictures. So to see everything we have been up to go check those out.
I was able to get about 60% of the pics up today but over the next few days I plan to have it finished. Make sure to check back for new ones.
I am hoping to do a post with the swimming with dolphins pics so those will not be going up on the album yet. Dolphin Cove was so kind to do photos for us and I think the disk has about 160 on there so I still have to go through and pick my favorites to post and that will not be easy.
So now the exciting news of the day... After weeks of waiting, Ella's first tooth finally broke through today!!!! We are so excited. Most babies get bottoms first but Ella is pushing out the tops and they have been so swollen for weeks. In a few pictures it looks like she has teeth because the gum was so white and swollen. Today was the big day and we have made a huge fuss over it.
I am hoping that as busy as I will be the next few weeks getting ready for a little someones first birthday, that I will be back to regular posting. As for this little girl turning one, well I am NOT ready for that. I do not want the year to be over yet. I am enjoying this so much and I really think this was the quickest first year out of all of them. I feel like I was pregnant for 3 years and now the first year is over in just a few months. So I am trying to enjoy every last minute of the first year and I am working on a small but sweet little party for the sweetest little baby girl...